Feelings and stuff
May. 9th, 2013 04:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hilsI found this post really interesting given what I was talking about a couple of days back.
I've never had depression before, so I didn't really realise I was suffering from it until I wasn't any more. The feelings (or lack thereof) weren't as intense as the experiences described in that post but I can definitely relate to the early stages. For a good few months I really didn't care about anything and spent most nights feeling sad and alone, while dwelling on every stupid mistake I have ever made. I'd watch shows I used to love and feel nothing, see people getting involved in fandom stuff and wonder how I had ever found that fun. I didn't really go anywhere or do anything. I threw myself into the administrative side of my job with gusto because it was something to do that didn't involve interaction or any sort of emotional response.
Part of me just assumed this was something that came with getting older and that was just how I was going to be from now on. In my mind fun was something only people in their teens and twenties got to have.
And then it just stopped. No idea what caused it or why it went away but suddenly I wanted to do stuff again, and going out was something fun that I looked forward to. Possibly I over-compensated for this because my reaction was DO ALL THE THINGS! I'm going to learn photography, take up archery, write a novel, run several fandom comms, beta fics for people, learn how to draw, take weekly trips out, go on vacation and continue to work in my two jobs.
LOL!
Hopefully once the novelty of being happy wears off I'll settle down into a sort of medium.
And that was probably TMI
I've never had depression before, so I didn't really realise I was suffering from it until I wasn't any more. The feelings (or lack thereof) weren't as intense as the experiences described in that post but I can definitely relate to the early stages. For a good few months I really didn't care about anything and spent most nights feeling sad and alone, while dwelling on every stupid mistake I have ever made. I'd watch shows I used to love and feel nothing, see people getting involved in fandom stuff and wonder how I had ever found that fun. I didn't really go anywhere or do anything. I threw myself into the administrative side of my job with gusto because it was something to do that didn't involve interaction or any sort of emotional response.
Part of me just assumed this was something that came with getting older and that was just how I was going to be from now on. In my mind fun was something only people in their teens and twenties got to have.
And then it just stopped. No idea what caused it or why it went away but suddenly I wanted to do stuff again, and going out was something fun that I looked forward to. Possibly I over-compensated for this because my reaction was DO ALL THE THINGS! I'm going to learn photography, take up archery, write a novel, run several fandom comms, beta fics for people, learn how to draw, take weekly trips out, go on vacation and continue to work in my two jobs.
LOL!
Hopefully once the novelty of being happy wears off I'll settle down into a sort of medium.
And that was probably TMI
no subject
Date: 2013-05-09 05:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-10 11:28 am (UTC)