Feelings and stuff

[hils]

I found this post really interesting given what I was talking about a couple of days back.

I've never had depression before, so I didn't really realise I was suffering from it until I wasn't any more. The feelings (or lack thereof) weren't as intense as the experiences described in that post but I can definitely relate to the early stages. For a good few months I really didn't care about anything and spent most nights feeling sad and alone, while dwelling on every stupid mistake I have ever made. I'd watch shows I used to love and feel nothing, see people getting involved in fandom stuff and wonder how I had ever found that fun. I didn't really go anywhere or do anything. I threw myself into the administrative side of my job with gusto because it was something to do that didn't involve interaction or any sort of emotional response.

Part of me just assumed this was something that came with getting older and that was just how I was going to be from now on. In my mind fun was something only people in their teens and twenties got to have.

And then it just stopped. No idea what caused it or why it went away but suddenly I wanted to do stuff again, and going out was something fun that I looked forward to. Possibly I over-compensated for this because my reaction was DO ALL THE THINGS! I'm going to learn photography, take up archery, write a novel, run several fandom comms, beta fics for people, learn how to draw, take weekly trips out, go on vacation and continue to work in my two jobs.

LOL!

Hopefully once the novelty of being happy wears off I'll settle down into a sort of medium.

And that was probably TMI

Comments

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

Not TMI at all. I think it's very common to not realize how depressed you are until you aren't -- it just feels normal, right? Only afterwards do you realize how bad it was.

[hils.livejournal.com]

It was definitely a strange experience

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

The only good part? Women are very prone to recurring episodes of depression, so at least next time you'll know what is going on.

[hils.livejournal.com]

Yeah, hopefully that will help.

[quickreaver.livejournal.com]

Nope, not TMI at all! Maybe I run on a faster loop than you do, but I get monthly period-related jags of depression and since they aren't chronic, low-level bouts, I have the luxury to watch them come and go, and recognize what's going on. I can intellectualize that depression and convince myself it'll pass. (Doesn't stop me from bitching, though. We have that right. ;))

Upside? You're working through it. You're evolving! And hopefully, feeling LOTS better!

[hils.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Yeah, I am feeling loads better. I think it was a combination of a few things all happening at once that led to the depression but I definitely think that recognising the signs is an important thing.

As I said it was pretty low level depression and I think, like you, if I can intellectualise it that will help.

[cherie-morte.livejournal.com]

I'm so, so happy for you. I've been in that place before and it's just such a terrible ay to live. At least when you know you're unhappy, you know why and it usually doesn't last as long, ya know? Anyway, *hugs* I'M GLAD YOU'RE BETTER!

[hils.livejournal.com]

*hugs* THANK YOU <3

[complicat]

I remember being surprised to find that I was depressed (I was watching some TV prog which had a '10 questions so see if you are depressed' thing and scored 8/10) as I assumed that everyone else felt miserable most of the time too, since I always had. I think now that I actually suffer from dysthymia (i.e. constant low level depression and inability to enjoy things) so I fortunately don't get the sudden major unable-to-function periods that other people experience, but a lot of this is familiar to me too.

Glad you are coming out of it now *hugs*

[hils.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[lucdarling.livejournal.com]

It's definitely not TMI and you shouldn't feel ashamed or bad about saying "I can't handle x right now, my brain's not in the right place." Though it is far too easy to let depression be your crutch, your excuse for not leaving the house, not showering, what have you. not that I speak from experience.

I am super smiley about the fact yours has gone away and you're finding joy in things again. That is so awesome! And it's also sort of great that you are able to recognize that's what it was - now you know what it is, if it creeps back up. I hope it doesn't, though. Wouldn't wish depression, at any level (though it is NOT a competition for 'who's got it worse!') on anyone.

[hils.livejournal.com]

Thanks <3

Did you get my tumblr message about my change in email address btw?

[lucdarling.livejournal.com]

Tumblr must have eaten it. Send again?

[hils.livejournal.com]

Sent!

[summerholt.livejournal.com]

Happy for you!
It could also have been SAD(Seasonal Affective Disorder).
How are you going to learn how to draw?

[hils.livejournal.com]

I think there were several contributing factors. I do suffer from SAD but what happened to me last year lasted almost a whole year so I think other things going on in my life compounded the issue.

The improvement in the weather here is DEFINITELY helping lift my spirits though

[scribblemoose]

I'm very glad you came out of it. I hope it proves to be a one-off experience for you!

If you do dip again, though, it might be worth going to your GP and having a chat with them - there's a lot that can be done these days, and cyclical depression can be due to vitamin deficiencies or hormonal changes that are relatively easy to fix.

Enjoy feeling better. :)

[hils.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I will definitely consider it if it happens again.

[vella-amor-dm.livejournal.com]

i don't think it was TMI at all. thank you for sharing it with us. i hope things are better from here on :)
*hugs*

[hils.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I hope so too