Tired

[hils]

I've been thinking about this since I saw it on naye's journal yesterday.



Claire McGuire (vcmcguire )

Everyone I know is having an extremely hard time. Nobody has the emotional energy to deal with anyone else’s issues, so we’re all carefully edging by each other like passengers in an airplane aisle, trying not to bump into each other or make anyone else’s hard time any worse.

I think this describes perfectly what I've been feeling and seeing over the past few weeks in particular, and the problem seems to be is that when people do accidentally bump into each other it feels like a full-speed collision because everyone is trying so hard to avoid it.

Everyone seems to be on edge, and reactions to the smallest disagreements are massively exacerbated because everyone is just reaching breaking point. Our online book club imploded over a stupid disagreement about the speed which we should be reading in, people are having huge fallings out over minor misunderstandings, the group chat which saw us through most of last year now feels like everyone is walking on eggshells and honestly it's exhausting.

I'm feeling very much on the 'flight' side of fight or flight. I don't want to be around people even in an online capacity in case I accidentally upset someone, or have to see people I care about falling out over nothing.

And the worst thing is when people are upset my first instinct is to try and fix it. I want people to be happy, but because everyone is feeling the same way over the situation we're all in I don't know if there's anything I can fix.

I'm not really looking for answers, I just needed to vent. I'm tired, and dumb things are making me want to cry. I think this is just what a year of being in lockdown feels like.

I have a meeting at work next week to discuss what reopening the office is going to look like. Most of our team has had their first vaccine dose and will be due their second in the next few weeks. Not sure how I feel about it to be honest. Part of me is desperate to get back to 'normal' and part of me is dreading it. I'm looking forward to being able to go out of the house for more than essentials but I'm not looking forward to going back to the commute and a crowded office. As much as working from home has been shit I've got quite used to being able to listen to my music and not having to spend 1-2 hours per day sat in the car during rush hour.

IDK there's a lot going on and I'm just feeling overwhelmed.

I'm still writing, though, and I've got one last sundial_exchange treat in progress which I'm hoping to get done by the weekend.

Jacqui and I are still enjoying watching cute BL dramas, although I think Gameboys was possibly a mistake. It was cute but hit a little to close to home in terms of the subject matter. Definitely going to watch something lighter next.

Apologies for venting I hope you're all doing as well as you can be.

Comments

[solo]

That eggshells feeling is awful - I always withdraw when that happens. I feel totally unequipped for it.

Be kind to yourself.

[hils]

Yeah, it's not fun.

[minoanmiss]

I'm wandering my Networks page, and I read this, and I totally, totally hear you. I'm seeing this too. I wanted to at least say that as encouragingly as I can.

[hils]

Oh that's so nice! Thank you internet stranger <3

[naye]

Venting is good! Things are rough right now. Blowing off steam here seems like an excellent coping mechanism. I'm sorry the places that you have taken comfort from are suffering from this right now. May it pass swiftly. *hugs*

[hils]

Thanks naye *hugs*

[clevermanka]

I don't think you owe anybody apologies for venting in your own space. I hope you find something that soothes and feeds your heart soon.

[hils]

Thank you! *hugs*

[yaaurens]

Oof, I feel this. You'd think we'd be used to the situation after a whole year, and yet, and yet, and yet...

All of the internet hugs for you, if you so desire!

[hils]

Thank you! Yeah, it started badly, then I got used to it, now it seems to be bad again. IDK

Hugs are always appreciated!

[rebeccama]

It seems to be a worldwide problem. I think everyone is at their breaking point and vent as much as you want especially when it is about the general situation. I think we all assumed it would be over by now.

I admit to curling up with my Kindle sometimes or watching something relaxing even if it is completely silly or useless.

[tinny]

*HUGS* hang in there! <3

my first instinct is to try and fix it.

Yeah, I am the same, and it's so hard to hold back these days. <3