Bad fic is bad

[hils]

Our fic got a lot of laughs but I think it just got beaten by a JDM/Dolphin fic which was epic

But, anyway, here is ours for those who want to read it. It was co-written by myself, vichan, luc_darling and vorpalblades


Sam's hair was in Scotland, along with the rest of him, when cute koala bears hijack his plane from Scotland They are so cute that they're nearly care bears.

MEANWHILE, Castiel (angel of the lord) asked, “Dean, what is happning between my legs?”

Dean (hunter of evil creatures of darkness) pulls Castiel closer and his hot tongue licks Cas's earlobe. The slightly brunette but sometimes dusty blonde depending on the position of the sun strokes his strong hand along Castiel's stubble. “It means your cocks wants me to fuck you.”

“I don't understand that reference,” Castiel growled in a growley voice.

“That doesn't matter,” Dean replied. “Just take off your clothes.”

Castiel tilted his head to one side and looked at Dean with piercing blue eyes. (the sky's jealous of the colour.)

“Come on, Cas, time waits for no man,” Dean said impatiently.

“I am no man.”

Dean smirked that sexy smile of his that has gotten him into men's and women's pants since he figured out sex. He grabbed Castiel's angel rod through his pants. “This hard cock of yours proves you wrong. Come on, Cas, but never Cassie because that would be creepy. Let's do this thing.”

Dean pressed Cas against the wall as their mouths tangled, hands clutching brown trenchcoat lapels, pushing it off. Cas groaned loudly; Dean sure he heard thunder in the distance.

They fell backwards onto the bed, hands pushing clothes off, buttons flying to hit the opposite wall.

“Knockin' on Heaven's Door” sounded as Dean's phone rang. “Damn it, Sam,” Dean answered.

“There's a volcano going off in London!” Sam responded through a mess of static. “It's not lava – I think it's blood.”

Castiel grabbed the phone from Sam and hisses, “Use your overly grating voice to chant “ayy eee ohh iiii euuu yyyy ah-rah mah” fifty seven times. It will banish everything you need to defeat. Now go away, Dean and I are naked.”

“Dude, TMI,” Sam screeched, hanging up.

“I gotta get you to answer all of Sammy's calls from now on,” Dean grinned.

Castiel did not look amused. “Dean, you still haven't explained what I need to do with Jimmy's erect penis.”

“Do you need me to draw a diagram?” Dean sighed.

“That would be helpful, yes.”

Castiel's blue eyes shot to Dean's hand wrapped around his achingly hard cock.

“I thought you were going to fuck me?” he inquired as Dean's hand began to move.

“You have to relax first. Shoot a load off.” Dean's hand pumped faster and Castiel cried out as pearly drops fell, remembering in time to use Jimmy's voice to protect Dean's ears.

Dean reached for holy oil and slicked up his hand. “Now the good part.”

Castiel's cock giggled when Dean first thrust his finger into the angel's throbbing virgin hole. “So hot,” Dean said. “I can't wait to be in you.”

“Dean,” Castiel moaned. “I need -” Castiel grabbed Dean's shoulders, and Dean felt his angel airways induced constipation start.

Dean gasped. Surrounded by fluffy clouds, Castiel's massive wings kept them afloat.

Dean clung to Castiel being afraid of heights.

“Be not afraid, Dean,” Castiel said in a serene angelic voice. “I will not let you fall.”

Dean grabbed hold of Castiel's wing joints, eyes opening. “Holy fuck, Cas!”

“Yes, it will be,” Castiel promised.

Keeping his grip on Dean's shoulder Castiel ploughed his heavenly man rod into Dean's hole, pushing until Dean shuddered in his arm. When Castiel hit his love button Dean cried out in pleasure.

“Oh, Castiel, you are so hot and amazing and I love you.”

“I love you,” Castiel replied. “We share a profound bond.”

Dean's cellphone rang again.

“Now is not a good time, Sammy,” Dean growled into his phone.

“Oh, okay,” Sam replied. “I just wanted to let you know I've moved from London to China. I'm helping them rebuild part of the great wall to atone for my demon blood.”

“That's great to hear, Sam,” Castiel took the phone. “Dean & I are about to achieve perfect union.” He hung up, thrusting into Dean quicker. Castiel was careful not to push too hard since Dean's human body could not withstand an angel's full strength.

Dean's hands stroked downy feathers, gripping tight. Cas began to mutter under his breath.

“What are you saying, Cas?”

“I'm giving you last rites before coming. There are steps to be completed before a human-angel union is finished.”

“What happens if -” Dean cried out as Castiel plowed into the love button buried inside his ass. “Oh, Cas!” he purred.

“You would bear my child if I do not complete the rites. This is where the Nephilim came from.”

“But Cas, I want that,” Dean gasped. “I want to have your child!”

“Dean, do not make that decision lightly.”

“But this is all I've thought about ever,” Dean pouted. “Please, Cas, impregnate me with your angelic spawn.”

“Very well, Dean.”

Castiel's cock was as hard as a crucifix as he continued to thrust into Dean, the latin giving way to moaning and groaning.

Angelic light filled Dean as his ass was filled with Cas's holy come. Dean wondered if angelic spunk could be used as a holy water alternative. He could imagine the funtimes of jerking Cas off and bottling it to make an arsenal.

“So am I knocked up now?” Dean asked.

“That's not really how it works,” Castiel replied. “Now I must go and lay an egg that will hatch into our child.”

“Oh.”

Suddenly, Sam flew up to them on a hang glider. “I just finished straightening out the leaning tower of pizza in my quest for atonement.”

“Awesome, Sammy.”


The end.