I've been thinking a lot
Jan. 21st, 2009 11:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hilsQuite emo and depressing. You'll probably want to skip this
I know I make jokes about getting old even though I'm not 30 yet but I really do feel it sometimes. Events over the last few months had brought things to the surface. I dunno, I'm just rambling here.
I know everyone gets to the point where they realise they're not going to live forever but this realisation seems to have hit me hard and fast. It's no so much me but the realisation that my parents won't be around forever either. Everyone I love is going to die at some point and I know that's just life but even thinking about it hurts so much. I don't know how I'm going to cope when their time comes.
When my parents came over on Sunday I was just having a casual chat with my dad about my driver's license and he made some innocent comment about how when my license expires he'll have been dead and gone for a long while. He went out to have a cigarette just after that and I cried.
I think the other thing I've been thinking about is how it can all be over so suddenly. There's every chance my parents will be around for another 20 or 30 years but at the same time anything could happen. I'm just really struggling with the powerlessness (is that even a word) that I feel.
When![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shivedheart passed away last week I realised she was only 2 years older than me. It scares me that life can be snatched away so easily and often before it should be.
I'm just trying to get my head around it all I guess.
Apologies for all the doom and gloom. I do usually try to keep my LJ a happy and chipper place but I just needed to get my thoughts down as they're eating away at me.
Incidentally, and this is sort of related, does anyone remember that years ago Greg asked me to pick a theme song for my life. It's taken me this long but I've finally settled on Make Your Own Kind of Music by Mama Cass. I love it so much I've used some of the lyrics on the header for my fiction journal. I want it played at my funeral should one of those horrible unexpected things happen to me
Right, no more morbid talk. I'll be squeeing again tomorrow
I know I make jokes about getting old even though I'm not 30 yet but I really do feel it sometimes. Events over the last few months had brought things to the surface. I dunno, I'm just rambling here.
I know everyone gets to the point where they realise they're not going to live forever but this realisation seems to have hit me hard and fast. It's no so much me but the realisation that my parents won't be around forever either. Everyone I love is going to die at some point and I know that's just life but even thinking about it hurts so much. I don't know how I'm going to cope when their time comes.
When my parents came over on Sunday I was just having a casual chat with my dad about my driver's license and he made some innocent comment about how when my license expires he'll have been dead and gone for a long while. He went out to have a cigarette just after that and I cried.
I think the other thing I've been thinking about is how it can all be over so suddenly. There's every chance my parents will be around for another 20 or 30 years but at the same time anything could happen. I'm just really struggling with the powerlessness (is that even a word) that I feel.
When
shivedheart passed away last week I realised she was only 2 years older than me. It scares me that life can be snatched away so easily and often before it should be.I'm just trying to get my head around it all I guess.
Apologies for all the doom and gloom. I do usually try to keep my LJ a happy and chipper place but I just needed to get my thoughts down as they're eating away at me.
Incidentally, and this is sort of related, does anyone remember that years ago Greg asked me to pick a theme song for my life. It's taken me this long but I've finally settled on Make Your Own Kind of Music by Mama Cass. I love it so much I've used some of the lyrics on the header for my fiction journal. I want it played at my funeral should one of those horrible unexpected things happen to me
Right, no more morbid talk. I'll be squeeing again tomorrow
