OMG!

[hils]

"I want to kiss you, then I want to flick open each of those buttons..." he eyed her blouse, then met her eyes again "...slowly."

Heat pooled in places she hadn't known she had.

"Then I want to take your lushness..." his eyes dropped to her breasts "...in my hands." His eyes travelled down the length of her body. "And in my mouth and in my arms." His eyes speared back to hers. "And then I want to take you to places you've never been before."

Seriously? Lushness? This is like bad!fic. Really bad!fic. Mum-Ra has a lot to answer for, buying this for me.

Dude, seriously if this shit can get published there's hope for us all!

Comments

[redeem147.livejournal.com]

What the heck is that, so I can avoid it?

I'm pretty sure I know all my heat-pooling places, but maybe it's the menopause.

[hils.livejournal.com]

Hee! It's a Mills & Boon book. His Christmas Angel by Michelle Douglas

[redeem147.livejournal.com]

I thought maybe it was Beedle the Bard, and PK had really lost it.

[hils.livejournal.com]

LOL!!! That would be hilarious

[danceswithgary]

Oh wow, as I read that I was wondering which fandom you'd picked it up from - and making plans to avoid the story. This was actually published and people pay for it?

Obviously, I really need to get my writing muse back and work on some original fiction to sell. :-P

[hils.livejournal.com]

Heh! I think there's a reason the RRP is only £3 ;)

[authoressnebula.livejournal.com]

I sure as hell wouldn't have "heat pooling in places I didn't have" if he said that. And seriously, she doesn't know where the heat's pooling? She has a volcano inside her and IT IS HIDDEN!

>_<

~Nebula

[hils.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Oh, god, Nebs I'm laughing so hard it hurts. You are awesome!

[annwnrho.livejournal.com]

My Engliah teacher was talking to a mills and boons author and basically they have ten template stories and the 'writer' just changes the names/locations/small details and that's it.

[hils.livejournal.com]

God, I wish I got paid to do that ;)

[annwnrho.livejournal.com]

I'd be debating whether I could do it. I do write quite bad fic but even I have standards meager though they are. I don't think I'd be popular at Mills and Boon I would have plot and the woman deciding that on the whole men who treat women like they're fragile delicate things can fuck themselves, then she'd buy a vibrator and go back packing across Europe. OT probably but what makes me cringe the most is that my older sister loves these books she has all of them and various millions of other romance novels. I keep trying to get her to read Terry Pratchett but she refuses.

[hils.livejournal.com]

Oh, God, yes! In the book I'm reading they're trying to portray the female character as independant but really she's just waiting to be rescued

[ellyfanfiction.livejournal.com]

Mills and Boon is the English part of Harlequin, I think. I don't live in England and don't know what the market is like there, but I know this is not true for US Harlequin writers. They write their books from scratch, no templates.

[annwnrho.livejournal.com]

That may be true considering that my English teacher was insane and lied a lot of the time. I could believe it, although part of me thinks that the writers are just catering to the market which they're writing for (If that makes sense). Cliches are cliches because they're popular really.

[ellyfanfiction.livejournal.com]

Well, writing series romance (which means the short Harlequins) is a specialty. In some lines you do have to stick to pretty specific guidelines (like the main characters have to meet in the first chapter, POV has to be third person, the guy has to be very alpha, or so on). And romance does require adhering to a general sort of plot-- it generally requires a man, a woman, lots of sex, and a happy ending (this is changing, but not, I think, in series romance). However, I know plenty of good writers who've submitted to and been rejected by Harlequin. In the US, it's not a matter of using a template. I would doubt they did that in England, either, but again, I don't know a thing about the English market:-).

That being said, I hate most Harlequins and do not think most of them even remotely represent the best of what the romance genre has to offer.

[hils.livejournal.com]

The book I'm reading was definitely published by Harlequin in the US

[x-pixel-x.livejournal.com]

Y'know, everybody talks about how BAD fanfic is, but whoo boy do we have the corner market on hot sex. I can't believe people pay for that stuff, do they even know how bad it is when they pay for it?

[hils.livejournal.com]

do they even know how bad it is when they pay for it?

I really hope my mum didn't or I'm sure that falls under the category of torture

[ellyfanfiction.livejournal.com]

There are good sex scenes and bad sex scenes in romance novels, same as there are in fanfic:-).

[phoebesmum.livejournal.com]

I'm worried about the bits she didn't know she had. I may not use everything god gave me, but at least I know it's there.

[hils.livejournal.com]

Hee! I know!

[bluemoon02.livejournal.com]

From whence did this excrement stem?

[hils.livejournal.com]

Mills & Boon. Yes, I should have known better but I mentioned to my mum that I'd never read one so she bought it for me as part of my literary education

I look on it as a lesson on how not to write

[ellyfanfiction.livejournal.com]

That's awesome; thank you for sharing these glorious and inspirational words. I gotta go write another parody fanfic called "Lushness" now:-).

[hils.livejournal.com]

HAHAH! YAY!

[lexalicious70.livejournal.com]

As both an English major and an editor, these lines frighten and disgust me.

[hils.livejournal.com]

Hehe! I know what you mean

[drbillbongo.livejournal.com]

That is even worse than some of the stuff that gets posted on weepingcock. And you said this is published? O_O The book industry must be desperate.

[hils.livejournal.com]

Yes, clearly it must be