Checking In
Sep. 30th, 2022 09:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hilsHi, yes, I'm still alive
The past few weeks have been a lot. Some of it good, some of it bad.
Let's start with the good!
I finally took a much needed vacation! Last time I had a week off was May when I went to visit my parents. Which was nice, but also hard work given that they are both Tories who think that Boris Johnson is great.
This time I took a week off and spent it with myself and OMG it was sorely needed. I can't remember the last time I felt this relaxed.
As I mentioned a while ago I booked a beach house to spend a few days around my birthday and even though the house had no wifi I have zero regrets
I definitely couldn't complain about the view
Within 5 minutes of arriving I didn't want to leave (click through to watch the video)
There was a beautiful sunrise on my birthday
(Another video)
And I was blessed by a rainbow while I was there
All I did while I was there was write, watch dramas, eat and sleep. It was great!
Although I was only there for 3 days I took the full week off work and when I got home I just wrote and watched dramas. It's amazing what being relaxed and not tired does for your creativity. I bashed out 7k of fic in two days which is a huge increase from the 600 words per day that I average when I'm at work.
I really didn't want to go back, but alas, capitalism wins out and I need to earn money to pay for more trips away like this (and my fandom merch habits).
I would definitely stay there again.
But, when there's good there is also bad
A few weeks ago I got a text at about 10pm from my boss's boss saying her husband had collapsed and they were waiting for an ambulance so she wouldn't be in work in the morning. I told her not to worry about work of course, and asked her to let me know how he was getting on once she knew. She told me it looked really bad so obviously I didn't sleep very well that night.
In the morning I got a call from my boss to tell me that he'd passed away.
It was something of a shock. He'd been diagnosed with colon cancer a few months ago and was in the middle of chemo but it seemed to be going well. Him passing away so suddenly like this was a shock to everyone. He was younger than my dad.
I didn't know him massively well. He used to work for the same company as us. That was how he met boss's boss. But he left a few years back. I'd met him in person a few times before then, but he'd always get mentioned when we were on Zoom calls with boss's boss.
Of course death is never easy, but I'm particularly sensitive when it's sudden and unexpected like this. I lost a friend to suicide 14 years ago and 5 years ago a friend from work had a heart attack on his way into the office and died at the age of 28.
Whenever something like this happens it brings up all sorts of unhappy memories about the people who were there one day and gone the next.
My boss went down for the funeral (boss's boss lives in Essex so we couldn't all travel down for it) and the rest of us who knew him watched the webcast of the funeral.
I've never done a webcast funeral before. It was a lot more upsetting than I thought it would be. It was like being there, but without being able to draw comfort from the other mourners. I suppose I was lucky that there were three of us watching and we used one of the meeting rooms for a bit of privacy. At least there was someone there to give me a hug when I started crying.
So, that's what's been going on with me. A mix of good and bad. Mostly I just feel exhausted by the state of the world. Work, writing and dramas are a distraction.
The past few weeks have been a lot. Some of it good, some of it bad.
Let's start with the good!
I finally took a much needed vacation! Last time I had a week off was May when I went to visit my parents. Which was nice, but also hard work given that they are both Tories who think that Boris Johnson is great.
This time I took a week off and spent it with myself and OMG it was sorely needed. I can't remember the last time I felt this relaxed.
As I mentioned a while ago I booked a beach house to spend a few days around my birthday and even though the house had no wifi I have zero regrets
I definitely couldn't complain about the view
Within 5 minutes of arriving I didn't want to leave (click through to watch the video)
There was a beautiful sunrise on my birthday
(Another video)
And I was blessed by a rainbow while I was there
All I did while I was there was write, watch dramas, eat and sleep. It was great!
Although I was only there for 3 days I took the full week off work and when I got home I just wrote and watched dramas. It's amazing what being relaxed and not tired does for your creativity. I bashed out 7k of fic in two days which is a huge increase from the 600 words per day that I average when I'm at work.
I really didn't want to go back, but alas, capitalism wins out and I need to earn money to pay for more trips away like this (and my fandom merch habits).
I would definitely stay there again.
But, when there's good there is also bad
A few weeks ago I got a text at about 10pm from my boss's boss saying her husband had collapsed and they were waiting for an ambulance so she wouldn't be in work in the morning. I told her not to worry about work of course, and asked her to let me know how he was getting on once she knew. She told me it looked really bad so obviously I didn't sleep very well that night.
In the morning I got a call from my boss to tell me that he'd passed away.
It was something of a shock. He'd been diagnosed with colon cancer a few months ago and was in the middle of chemo but it seemed to be going well. Him passing away so suddenly like this was a shock to everyone. He was younger than my dad.
I didn't know him massively well. He used to work for the same company as us. That was how he met boss's boss. But he left a few years back. I'd met him in person a few times before then, but he'd always get mentioned when we were on Zoom calls with boss's boss.
Of course death is never easy, but I'm particularly sensitive when it's sudden and unexpected like this. I lost a friend to suicide 14 years ago and 5 years ago a friend from work had a heart attack on his way into the office and died at the age of 28.
Whenever something like this happens it brings up all sorts of unhappy memories about the people who were there one day and gone the next.
My boss went down for the funeral (boss's boss lives in Essex so we couldn't all travel down for it) and the rest of us who knew him watched the webcast of the funeral.
I've never done a webcast funeral before. It was a lot more upsetting than I thought it would be. It was like being there, but without being able to draw comfort from the other mourners. I suppose I was lucky that there were three of us watching and we used one of the meeting rooms for a bit of privacy. At least there was someone there to give me a hug when I started crying.
So, that's what's been going on with me. A mix of good and bad. Mostly I just feel exhausted by the state of the world. Work, writing and dramas are a distraction.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-30 09:46 pm (UTC)The vacation place looks lovely! So you know, though, the album is password protected so clicking through for video doesn't work.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-01 02:44 am (UTC)I'm glad you got to celebrate your birthday so excellently before the sadness. That's a whole lot of feelings in a relatively short period of time
no subject
Date: 2022-10-01 06:56 am (UTC)So sorry to hear about your boss's boss bereavement. I know what you mean about being reminded of the loss of people you know. I think it also makes us realise that there's only so much life left for all of us. Make the most of what you have is the message I suppose *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2022-10-01 11:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-01 04:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-01 04:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-01 04:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-01 04:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-01 04:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-02 12:42 pm (UTC)Whenever something like this happens it brings up all sorts of unhappy memories about the people who were there one day and gone the next.
Sudden deaths are the worst. *HUGS*
no subject
Date: 2022-10-02 05:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-06 08:05 pm (UTC)My parents and I support the same political party, but have different politics on some things (especially my father and I) so I know how it can make things less relaxing no matter how much you love them. I am glad that your recent vacation let you completely relax. The pictures look great and it sounds like it really helped you. Capitalism does have its downsides and that is definitely one of them.